Its weigh in Wednesday!!!!
I’m down 3lbs!
Or am I?
Don’t get me wrong if I really am down 3lbs I’m thrilled. I’ve had an OK week. Some days have been stella, some days not so much (I may or may not have eaten an entire box of jaffa cakes followed by 4 brownies yesterday).
But here’s the thing scales and I don’t get along, and not in the way you think. When most people say they have a turbulent relationship with scales they are referring to the number it reads (and I have the problem too) but I also have a second problem with scales. They don’t like me. I’m not saying that to be melodramatic, at this point I’ve come to accept it as fact, scales as a species (or group?) just don’t like me. Allow me to explain. Currently under my bed I have 4 broken scales:
· The old timer: the type with a dial, he was super cheap and my oldest scale. He also is a bit temperamental and your weight can fluctuate over 20lbs (yes 20) every time you step on him.
· Mr fancy pants: a slick Salter scale bought because he looked really good (chrome, sleek and low-lying) and because I was assured that Salter made good quality scales (well, that and it was reduced to £18 from £30 which seemed like a bargain). He was brilliant whilst he worked. But 2 months later Mr fancy pants tragically passed away, cause of death unknown. One morning he decided to bid farewell to this cruel world and left it permanently. Many attempts to revive him were made including the purchase of brand name batteries but all to no-avail, RIP Mr fancy pants.
· Mr Next Generation: he broke my heart, out of all the break-ups his was definitely the hardest for me to take. Mr next generation cost money (£25) and I trusted him. We had 3 blissful months together. We shared a bond, he remembered me, he would let me know my BMI, my body fat % and even my water content. And then tragedy struck. At first he could still give me my weight even if he couldn’t quite get the other readings. Then he became a little bit more temperamental, you had to jiggle his feet and position him just so, but now alas it doesn’t matter what you do he stubbornly refuses to display anything other than an error message. I still get him out every now and then to see if he’s recuperated. I’ve promised to limit myself to once weekly weigh-ins if only he’d return to me but alas my pleas fall on deaf ears.
· Old reliable: Old reliable technically doesn’t belong to me but I didn’t want him to be lonely in the afterlife so I let him keep the other scales company. Old reliable is the scales that my parents have had since I was 16 (yes for you eagle eyed readers that means they are 10 years old). Around Easter they started getting a bit temperamental, they were slow to get going in the morning (aren’t we all!) and started giving a weight range of 7lbs which would leave household members in despair or jubilation depending which way he swung. Poor thing was looking haggard and it was decided he should retire. I know some of you are thinking how old reliable’s retirement links in with scale hatred of me, well folks he only started playing up when I moved back home, coincidence, I think not!
So since Easter I’ve been using Mr sensitive. Mr sensitive is the bane of my life. Initially I loved him because I lost 7lb the first time I weighed in with him, but it’s been downhill since then. He’s so sensitive he has his own weighing platform (ok its a plank of wood). And a deviation in location makes him throw a tantrum, but for the most part he works. Except yesterday he said my weight had stayed the same (which is why I sort comfort with jaffa cakes) and then today he suddenly decides I’m 3lbs down. What’s the deal?
Anyway I should probably go. I should also warn you that I’ve been consuming copious amounts of drugs. No not that kind, this kind:
Lemsip or blackcurrent sip I guess. Whatever the point is this post is drug fuelled and therefore you shouldn’t judge me for it!