Sunday, 17 November 2013

Identity crisis!


Sorry for such a prolonged absence, yes its been a busy week and I promise to update you on that shortly (probably in a separate post), but to be honest that’s not the cause. A friend of mine recently admitted that when she heard I had a blog she tracked it down and started reading it. And this freaked me out, a lot, every time I went to write a post this week I just encountered a mental block because I thought she’d be reading it. Now this probably says a lot about me, I’m not overly good at being very open, I like to compartmentalise and this extends to friendships (except poor Emma who gets to know pretty much all of it, she’s such a lucky girl) you know with different friendships for different things. I’m trying to be more open, but progress is slow. Which means when this friend confessed she read my blog I freaked out, because I’ve written about lots of stuff on here that I wouldn’t necessarily confide to her about.

 

Emma (very rightly pointed out) that it’s the internet, not a private diary, people reading it is kina the point of blogging. And she has a point but at the same time it’s different, and it’s like we’re all reading each other diaries, which somehow makes it a little less weird and me feel a little less vulnerable.

 

After stewing over it for most of the week, I eventually broke down and asked her if she would mind stop reading it. Turns out she’d stopped reading it a while ago because she “couldn’t handle it”. Which is a blessing really, because I've really missed blogging this week, I've missed the interactions and the accountability it offers, and just the whole blogging community in general because just reading the blogs, it isn't the same.

 

But it made me think, how does every one else handle it when someone you know “IRL” starts reading your blog? Also does anyone else compartmentalise friendships?

 

Apologies for a less than perky post.

4 comments:

  1. LOL OMG I have the same anxieties! I have several family/friends that now read mine. I never even told anyone until about 6 months in on my journey that I even blogged. Part of that was because I knew how I used to be. Start a diet and then a few weeks later stop. I didn't tell anyone for so so long because I was still afraid of that failure. Once I did, I started to get PARANOID about everything that I wrote. I am not going to lie, I went back through old posts and edited some to be a bit more "people and family" friendly! I still do that to this day too. If I get a new reader or know a new friend is now reading, I will read and re-read my blog to see if I can do it from their perspective and hope that I don't offend anyone!

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    1. So relieved to hear I'm not alone, and you've hit the nail on the head, I think part of it is linked to the idea of a public failure, I'm pretty sure this time its going to stick becaus eI'm only making changes I'm going to stick with and not just dieting, but still there is that nagging fear! GOing back and edditing posts such a good idea, also I think knowing she found it makes the idea of someone I know IRL fininfing it alot more real so I'm definately going to bear that in mind when writting future posts!

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  2. I struggle with the exact same problem. I have not mentioned my blog to any of my family members or IRL friends. I think it's because they really can't understand the weight struggles I'm having, like others in the blogging community who are going through the exact same thing. I'm not ready to tell anyone about it just yet. I've only mentioned it to friends who are always battling weight loss, because if they aren't, I feel like they'd just be judging everything I've said.

    You can also make your blog invite-only if that makes you feel safer. Then only awesome peeps like me can comment and read! ;)

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  3. The struggle is real!! Many of my IRL friends know I have a blog, but I do not promote it on my personal FB or Twitter. I have sent the link to some IRL friends who have expressed interest in learning more about my journey, or are starting their own weight loss journey. Anyone I've shared it with has been really supportive. I have not shared my blog with any family members because a) most of my weight criticism (as an adult) has come from my family and b) I share the cold hard facts of my starting weight. When I first started blogging, I had just crossed back into the 190s, but I wasn't in a place where I felt comfortable sharing my weight yet. Obviously this is all relative, but I finally feel like I'm at a weight where I the number doesn't really bother me.

    Still, I haven't yet shared publicly because I work in social media, so I think I'm extra conscious of my "personal brand" online. Also, I was job-hunting this summer, and was hesitant to make my weight loss blog a central part of what I shared about myself on Twitter. I actually think I will start sharing my blog on my FB very soon, especially given the support I received last week after posting my one-year transformation picture.

    Long-winded, but I totally understand your concerns :)

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